Return to the Country of Toilet Seat Covers

This Sunday I traded one U.S. army stronghold for another- I traveled from Seoul to Guam in order to obtain a teaching visa from the Korean consulate there. I actually entered the country without a visa and have been teaching since the beginning of June without the proper status. Apparently this is not an altogether uncommon practice.

Fortunately, my academy paid for my flight. Unfortunately, that flight left at 8:20 pm and arrived at 2 am in Guam. Thus, in the midst of a summer storm, I managed to find the airport shuttle to take me from my goshitel to the airport and take my first flight out of the country since I arrived on June 4.

Reentering U.S. territory was strange, though not shockingly so. I was especially struck by the lack of bright, neon colors everywhere and the diminished amount of "cutesiness" I hadn't previously recognized was so integral to modern Korean culture. Being able to converse with restaurant and hotel workers was actually not as satisfying as I had imagined it would be- I think I've grown so used to not being able to hold conversations with workers that I've almost accepted it as normal.

I finally arrived in my hotel room around 2:30 am, slept, checked out, and headed over to the consulate at 11 am.

looking out the window

The consulate turned out to be a house behind a strip mall. There seemed to be a total of three people working there, and I spied a swimming pool in the backyard.

The Korean Consulate in Guam

Luckily, this meant that the turnaround time for my visa was about half a day. I eagerly found a hole-in-the-wall Chinese restaurant near the consulate and proceeded to order, then devour, the first beef dish I could find.


So intent was I on gorging myself on cow meat, however, that I failed to realize that a tropical storm had begun while I was eating my meal. Suddenly, my plans of spending my day in Guam relaxing on the beach were completely shot. Since it would be a very wet 40 minute walk back to the hotel area, I spent the afternoon in a mail services area, then wandered around an outlet mall. Finally, I procured my visa and returned to Tumon, the touristy area of Guam.

Guam reminded me of Hawaii, only less developed, slightly trashier, and with more Japanese and Korean tourists. Instead of being misidentified as a Korean, I was frequently asked "Japanese?" and, on one occasion "Doko made?" (Where to?)




My co-teacher Ben had spent a few months working at a resort in Saipan which happened to have another location in Guam. Ben got in touch with his old boss, who now works at the Guam resort, to get me into the waterpark there. Sadly, the storm prevented me from getting to the waterpark until evening, and by that time I had no luck reaching Ben's old boss.

the waterpark

For dinner I went to a buffet which was supposed to be $11 and delicious; it turned out to be $16.50 and only somewhat delicious. Still, I ate enough beef to make it worth it.

I was tempted to just stay in Guam and teach SAT there... not

My final stop was Guam's Kmart, which claims to be the largest Kmart in the world. I have my doubts.

The building only extends a little past the right edge of this picture

Among the goods I purchased here were a pillow, peanut butter, and spaghetti. Being roomless, I hung out in the hotel lobby until 12:30 am, then in the airport until 3:20 when my flight left. From the airport, I unloaded at my goshitel then rushed over to teach my 10 am class.


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Random Note:

I can only dream of being as good as these guys.

Just missing an "a"

The Sunday after we took a day trip to Gyeongju, we attended a service at Yeouido Full Gospel Church, which is the largest church in the world according to Wikipedia. Unfortunately, the service was entirely in Korean. That didn't prevent us non-Korean speakers from enjoying the theatricality of the service, however. During the worship time, we were led by a group of singers dressed in perfectly identical outfits who had meticulously coordinated their movements to be in sync with each other. Jihoon said it felt like North Korea. The "modern" worship was followed by the singing of traditional hymns, led by a full choir and orchestra.

church playground

Worship

The message itself was difficult to comprehend without any interpretation, but the K friends later told us that it was basically talking about what to do in order to be blessed. There were many emphatic "Amens" interjected by the speaker as well as the entire congregation. Following the message, an advertisement was shown for a DVD set the church was selling, mostly comprised of the original pastor speaking in other countries and healing people. Overall, the church was not as cultish or personality-driven as I had expected, but I still felt as if I hadn't really worshipped by the end of the service.

The masses leaving as a group of men in matching outfits bow

Following the service, we took a tour of Yeouido, described by Wonhoe as the "New York of Seoul." Yeouido is essentially a small island in the Han River which serves as the financial headquarters of Seoul. They've even got their own miniature version of Central Park.

Pauline in front of her workplace, World Vision

The library of the National Assembly (legislative body of the Korean government)

I mentioned that I had visited the National Assembly library over the weekend and my students thought I was such a nerd. They said it was ok though, because I went to Brown.

After the library, we headed over to Gangnam to what is becoming our regular hangout, Dr. Fish. Since I had recommended that Brian try the place, I took the plunge and subjected myself to the enjoyable torture once again.

The next day Janice, Brian, and I went to the jimjilbang during my lunch break. It was quite a deal- for less than $7, you can rest in hot rooms, hotter rooms, ovens, refrigerators, and freezers. There was also a small movie theater where you could watch movies released on DVD. There was also the option of using the Internet, getting a haircut, getting a massage, and eating at the restaurant there. After thoroughly baking ourselves, we soaked in the hot tubs and sweated it out in the humidity room. I was amazed at how refreshed I felt afterward... if only I had not come down with stomach flu that night!

I've either had this thought before or read it somewhere, so I won't dwell on it too long, but one thing about having the flu was that it reminded me what pain was. The intense cramping and severe exhaustion I felt jostled me out of my physically painless world for a week. As I read over Jesus' suffering leading up to his death, I felt as though I could come a little closer to realizing just how high the cost was for him.

Holla Back Young'n

The week before my digestive system decided to rebel against me was actually one of the better parts of my summer thus far. On the Tuesday of that week, Jihoon and Brian arrived in Korea, and on Thursday Jihoon's dad took us out for a really nice sashimi dinner. (Possible suspect for stomach flu? I suspect not.)

Friday I took advantage of my four hour lunch break and visited Karak Fish Market with the two of them. The fish market is actually part of a larger market which sells wholesale fruits, vegetables, and other goods. The entire market area is probably the dirtiest area I've seen in Seoul; in fact, it was vaguely reminiscent of the village bazaar in Kyrgyzstan. The fish market itself is a veritable aquarium, only remove most of the water and replace it with plastic baskets and ice blocks instead.




One of the old ladies selling fish randomly stopped Jihoon to tell him that she thought I was good-looking. Pretty bizarre.

For lunch we decided to have, what else but, fish. Rather than get ripped off by the guy at the fish market, we went across the street to a more reasonably priced restaurant.



On Saturday, we ventured out of Seoul for a daytrip to the famed city of Gyeongju. This meant we had to wake up at 6 am to catch an 8:20 train. (Possible suspect for my stomach flu? Quite possibly.)

Man love (assuming the one on the bottom is, in fact, a man)

As I was ignorant of premodern Korean history, Janice had to inform me that Gyeongju was the capital of Korea for many years while the Silla Kingdom was dominant. Korea underwent a Three Kingdoms phase wherein it was divided into three kingdoms, Silla, Goguryeo, and Baekje, until Silla united the three. Apparently the Silla period forms an indelible part of a Korean student's education, one reason why Gyeongju continues to be quite popular.

Our first stop was the Royal Tombs, in particular Chongma Chong. "Chongma Chong" essentially means "tomb of the heavenly horse," although I'm still not sure whether it was just a horse buried there or people as well. I think it's the latter. When our bus driver paid for our admission tickets, he kept insisting that Brian, Jihoon, Janice, Janice's cousin, and I were all high schoolers until we convinced him that we were actually college grads.

Entering Chongma Chong

The tomb was essentially a giant anthill covered in grass. Upon entering, we discovered that Koreans are masters of the replica. All of the artifacts inside were perfectly aged replicas of the actual artifacts which had been excavated in the tomb and taken to a museum.

All that tomb raiding made us hungry, so we stopped off for lunch and ordered some kalbitang (beef soup) and sundubu (first time in Korea, surprisingly). The little old lady working there kept encouraging Jihoon to eat, after all, she told him "you're a growing boy!" Except for the fact that he's twenty four and most likely not growing. Anyway, she brought a free bowl of rice for the "growing boy" and even adjusted the A/C to point directly at us. On our way out, she told Jihoon that she thought I was good-looking. So, in case you're keeping track:

Old ladies who have told me I'm good-looking: 2
Ladies my age (+/- 20 years) who have told me I'm good-looking: 0

I think I was born in the wrong century.

Next up was Cheomseongdae, the oldest observatory in East Asia. It was actually quite short, and seems to have derived its significance from being very old and from being built by Queen Seondeok, a prominent Silla queen. The tour guide tried to convince us that each of the 24 levels of the tower represented one part of each of the four seasons in much the same way he tried to convince us that Korea is currently the most scientifically advanced nation, but we were having none of it. He also told us that the tower was unusually short considering how tall the Silla people were, which might have been noteworthy had the tour guide at Chongma Chong not explained to us that although the Silla people buried large shoes, crowns, and clothes in their tombs, their bodies were actually quite small.

For our third stop, we visited a lake whose name I'm not sure I ever learned. Apparently, archaeologists found numerous artifacts preserved within the mud of the lake, which helped them to "reimagine" the former settlement overlooking the lake.


Look again at the structure two pictures up. Surprise! It's a replica too. Apparently the original wood structures burned down, so people were hired to rebuild a few buildings. For the tourists' sake of course.

Following the lake of replicas, we visited a museum... where we found even more replicas! We did manage to find some originals mixed in as well. Take, for instance, the bell below. Apparently, it emits such a pure sound because a young Korean child was melted into the bell. Urban legend? Perhaps.

The antler crown found at Chongma Chong (real, not a replica)

A common Silla symbol for fertility, the embryo... so did they have a knowledge of what an embryo looked like?

The city of Gyeongju in its prime (replica style, of course)

Finally, after a long day of sightseeing, we decided to have some fun for our last stop- by visiting Buddhaland!

The temple's name actually translates to "Land of Buddha" or something, referring back to the days when Korea was a primarily Buddhist nation. Buddhaland was probably the grandest sight of the day.

The tower of masculinity

These kids were sliding down the national treasure!

Jihoon, spreading swine flu

The three hour train ride back to Seoul

Janice and her gangsta cuz

In other news, my stomach has returned after a long absence.

Laughter

I saw Transformers 2 at the CGV theater by my goshitel this weekend. I love robot fighting as much as the next guy, but was the last hour really necessary? By the 1:30 point I was ready for the climactic battle. And did any character actually have an arc in the movie? Fun but forgettable. The movie also functioned as a study in cultural humor. The theater was basically full of Koreans besides the three of us, and they laughed loudest when-

-Shia's roommate Leo is sleeping on John Turturro's shoulder
-Megan Fox took her pet robot out of the box in John Turturro's basement
-Leo accidentally tases himself in the Smithsonian

Did audiences in the US laugh at the first two points in the movie? The mom-on-pot scenes, the banter between the [possibly offensive] twin robots, and the overt sexual humor all got basically no laughs, with the humor seemingly getting lost in translation. Note to self: if ever making a comedy intended for international audiences, be sure to pile on the slapstick.

The End of the Honeymoon

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING POST MAY NOT BE SUITABLE FOR THE SQUEAMISH



Over the past few days, I have become good friends with the toilet at my goshitel.

I've been visiting the toilet at least ten times a day, after all. I hope that the worst is over, but only God knows for sure.

Last week, the Monday after I visited Nam June Paik's TV tower, I thought I had it bad when I woke up with aches and a continuously runny nose.

I had no idea.

This past Monday I was tired and a bit warmer than usual, but I attributed it to lying in blazing hot rooms and soaking in piping hot tubs at the jimjilbang (Korean sauna). When I woke up on Tuesday, I realized it was something more. I awoke to find myself unusually hot. Not only that, but my stomach was also churning like crazy. I figured that I could take a Tylenol and worry about the problem later. When I got to my first class I was soaked in sweat, and as I took attendance, beads of sweat dripped off my hair onto the attendance sheet, despite the fact that the A/C was blasting away. Despite taking an unusual number of trips to the bathroom during that class, I figured I would be fine for the next class. Unfortunately, by the second class the Tylenol had begun to wear off and not only did I feel drained, I had a bad case of the chills. I ended up letting the class work on homework and play games for the last half hour. (I think my students think I'm nicer when I'm sick.)

I took the rest of the day off and rode the subway home, where I basically crashed for the rest of the day. I would wake up every hour or so to rush to the bathroom then fall back asleep. My condition reached a low point that afternoon, when I woke up feeling like I was on fire, my head feeling as though it were both spinning and being stabbed. Water made me feel nauseous, and solid food was hardly any better. I finally felt the full effects of being on my own in a foreign country, as I realized that I was miles (excuse me, kilometers) from any friends rather than being down the block or next door. I tried to watch TV, but it made me want to throw up, so I just slept instead.

My fever eventually broke that night, but my intestinal issues did not resolve themselves. My digestive system continued to spew out anything and everything I took into my body. As many of you know, I typically need food about once every two hours, and without any food in my stomach I began to miss the feeling of having a full belly. On Wednesday, I was surprised to find upon reaching for my stomach that it was no longer there. My belly had receded a good two or three inches from its normal width. Over the next few days I would feel the empty space there and just feel depressed. I imagined that I looked like Christian Bale in The Machinist and wondered if he had given himself the flu to look that way.

Wednesday a fellow teacher told me I was giving her a blank stare, which I explained was not a reflection on her but my own state- the hollowness in my eyes reflected the vacuousness of my stomach. Still, I managed to pull through the full day of work, and was rewarded by a gem from my 6th grade Novel Reading class, which has confoundingly been assigned the age-appropriate "Macbeth." I realized that they would not understand or relate to the play at all (and I wanted to space out in class for a bit), so I gave them a creative writing assignment: "Imagine how Macbeth and Lady Macbeth met". The best story involved King Duncan and Macbeth being college friends who would go drinking and playing billiards together. In this story, they would also go out to clubs holding hands, where people would ask if they were homosexual. If only Shakespeare could have read it!

Each morning, I hoped to wake up feeling good again, but my body only took steps instead of leaps. This morning (Thursday), I did feel better, but I was particularly perturbed by the lack of food in my stomach. Some rice porridge seems to have done the trick, however, and I think I'm almost on the other side.

I told myself that once I was able to blog about this traumatic experience, I would be close to recovery. If I were still under the full effects of the virus, I wouldn't want to relive the experience, much less post a blog entry about it. Tonight I looked up the way to say "I'm sick" and "diarrhea" in Korean, and appreciated the fact that this incident prompted me to learn some Korean I wouldn't have otherwise.

I'm thankful that I had friends here in Korea as well or else I probably would have wallowed away in misery.

There's a lot of good stuff to fill in too, between the first Monday I got sick and the second Monday I got sick. But that post will come when it more accurately reflects my mood. The good news is I haven't had to go to the bathroom once since I started writing this post.